fuck, I just want to go
somewhere, anywhere, up in the sky, down in a hole
somewhere I can get a clean change of clothes
a shower, a bed, some fresh air, no bugs and no phones
somewhere I don't have to talk to my mother while her father dies
somewhere I don't have to figure out which car we're gonna drive
somewhere you're not in pain and I'm not anxious about our life
somewhere I can push a button and be done with the book I'm trying to write
it's not that this world is irredeemably shitty
in a different moment I can hold all that's good and see all the beauty
but right this second I'm losing my grip and it ain't pretty
don't wanna see or be seen anywhere in this fucking city
I don't wanna eat, just give me a fucking pill
I don't wanna be fair, I just wanna think about myself
don't want an opinion just wanna be an empty shell
I just want nothing, absolutely nothing, everything standing still
will someone teach me how to disassociate?
I don't know why there's a stigma around something so great
as removing yourself entirely from the human condition
and disappearing into a world that's safe, secure, uplifting
I wouldn't necessarily do it all the time
I wouldn't do it when I'm watching movies with my friends and drinking red wine
or when I come to the plate with the tying run at second base
on my summer softball league team that has fun and doesn't win a lot of games
but when I'm falling apart and I gotta shut everything down
unplug all the wires, remove the speakers, turn off the sound
I know you're thinking "this guy should probably smoke some pot"
yeah maybe I should I wish it were simple but it's not
it makes me anxious and I really fucking hate the smell
and everything's fucked up since it became legal for julian fantino to sell
and do you really go away?
seems like you just get slower and have a bunch of dumbass shit to say
when I'm spinning into panic at the prospect of loss
I need to leave, I need to go, I need to be totally absolutely gone
I need to lose all sense of self and place
let go of every single thread holding me to this space
quit every question burning through my chest
be nowhere, be nothing, completely disconnect
as I was writing these words, the world proved my point
bombs are falling in Iran, another war beginning, nothing is alright
there'll be demonstrations downtown for a few days
absolutely positively nothing is the difference these protests make
I don't mean to be such a bummer
nor do I think that not protesting is any better
but fuck it's times like these I wanna just go away
get buried in guitars and synthesizers and obliviate
any part of me that cares about anything outside this room
cos nothing out there is growing, nothing is gonna bloom
even when I'm deeply in it, leading a class
through the exploitation of human labour and the wealth that the owners amass
less than half of me is there, more than half of me is not
and I'd like to adjust the ratio, cos this world is coming in hot
I won't withdraw forever and lose the opportunity
to sing, and play guitar, and make albums that don't generate much web activity
but this vessel can't manage the currents around it
it's cracking and breaking and sinking and I'm not wearing a life jacket
I need to lose all sense of self and place
let go of every single thread holding me to this space
quit every question burning through my chest
be nowhere, be nothing, completely disconnect
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