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at my dad's funeral i recited the blue jays lineup in my head, set up the batting order, and the defensive alignment, and the bullpen. kevin pillar was on the bench and zeke carrera took his place instead and I think that's how my dad would've wanted it. cos pillar is a showoff, he likes attention, and he's got a big mouth. and though he's a serviceable player his actions don't speak nearly loud enough to justify the swagger and bravado of this career .250 hitter who runs a little bit slower so that he can dive to make a catch look better.

but carrera plays the kind of game my dad celebrated. he works hard, manufactures runs, takes risks that are calculated. he'll hit and run, steal a base, hit the opposite field if he pleases, and when he drops down a bunt for a basehit, goddam, what a masterpiece. my dad always appreciated these kinds of contributions, taught me to play my role in successful institutions. the context was baseball but it was really about friends and family. so i kept it together at the funeral and i said the eulogy.

three or four times a week in the morning i wake up from a dream where my dad is alive and we're hanging out. sometimes its confusing and i don't know what it means and it feels contrived to say i still see my dad in dreams. but it's real and it's become a routine part of my life. i'll go to sleep and i find myself back home on a friday night. we'll watch a game on tv and dad calls some coach an idiot, and goddam, goddam, i miss the shit out of him.

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from Love and Unfortunately Fascism, released October 14, 2019

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Tyler Shipley Toronto, Ontario

Tyler Shipley was the founding member of the Consumer Goods (theconsumergoods.bandcamp.com) and now performs as a solo artist.

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